Your Transgender Self Image

Where is the impasse exactly between who we want to be and who we are? How we present to the world vs how we see ourselves from the inside? Just how much are we fooling ourselves simply to get out the door and face the world every day with some inner sense of dignity and propriety?

Here is the dilemma I am wrestling with:

I see myself as this guy…

But I realize clearly now that I am this guy…

How do I come to terms with this reality? How can I manifest myself as something closer to the image I aspire to and further away from the image I currently present?

I know, some of you are shaking your heads and saying, “Just be happy as who you are, don’t worry about what other people think.”

Well that’s fine and dandy if you have no ambitions to achieve success and glory and the enthusiastic company of hot babes.  I have such ambitions.

The fact is, people judge us by the way we look, act and speak. This is mostly a subconscious evaluation based on a lot of social as well as personal conditioning, but the fact is that it happens and you have to accept that it does.

And it happens quickly: In her book, You’ve Only Got Three Seconds , Camille Lavington says that people on average decide how they feel about you within the first 3 seconds of meeting you or even seeing you walk into a room — and their first impressions are virtually irreversible. However unfair you may feel this is, it’s an ingrained truth of human nature and it affects you directly as far as getting jobs, getting loans or financing, making friends, getting dates, or making contacts for your business. How you walk, talk, carry yourself, and how you look, all matters.

In short, Image Is Everything.

As I have mentioned before, celebrities, speakers, salespeople and others who are publicly visible know this and leverage it to their advantage. If you want to succeed at anything you do, you have to learn to do the same thing.

Question: How many successful people do you know of who are not in the public eye at least part of the time? This includes public speaking, interviews, video and photography.

Answer: All of them. Frankly, if they weren’t highly visible you would not know about them.

Of course, notoriety and distinction are two sides of the same coin that we will discuss another time.

Now, you don’t have to be born with natural good looks and a perfect body to be attractive; far from it. When you really look at the people our society holds forth as attractive, what you will see is that they have done remarkable things with themselves through self confidence and a signature personal style. We find them attractive because they project it from the inside — not so much from how they look but how they feel to us.

Granted, once a person begins to gain some public notoriety they immediately get aligned with image consultants who shape them up professionally in short order. This is frankly a service that all transgendered people who really want to succeed in the world need to avail ourselves of.

Unfortunately the cost of professional image consultation is impossibly prohibitive for most of us — myself included. So I am going to do my best to figure out how to make this kind of expertise available to us in other ways that we can all access reasonably and reliably.

Because this is what I am committed to do for myself, I want to share whatever I discover with you.

As a transgendered man, a most basic reality that I constantly wrestle with is the fact that these are the guys who get the girl.

And the choice careers. And the money. And the toys. And all the validating attention that I crave.

Naturally I want to be like those guys. But I’m this guy.

So the challenge is, how do I place this size 8 guy in those guys’ size 11 shoes?

Because the basic primal-driven reality —

Between this guy — and that guy —

Is — Who is she going to choose?

And that’s the bottom line.

I’m determined to get to the bottom of the bottom line.

Stay tuned and find out what happens next!


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